I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize