do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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