I hate all girls vehemently.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
