I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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