I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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