Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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