fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
