I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
