the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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