You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
