How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
