so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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