totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
