I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
