its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
