i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
