so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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