I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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