I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
