Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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