Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
