yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
