And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
