i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
