do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
