I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
