You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
