We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
