4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
