We won't sleep together?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
