Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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