Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
