i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
