This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
