I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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