I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
