Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
