btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
