At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
