omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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