2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
