youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
