I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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