I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
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You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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