fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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