my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
