how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
