Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
