I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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