They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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