Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
