His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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