i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
