"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
