Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize