Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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