It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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