Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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