Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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