so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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