i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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