did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
