I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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