I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
