You just made me feel so damn special
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
