yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize