Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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