No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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