; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
