btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
